Re(torn) 2013 Video Installation, video and dress form with grandmother's dress
The dress in the performance was not left to me. As my parents were dividing the house up during their divorce I found it and kept it without asking. My siblings were given objects that belonged to my grandmother but my father chose to keep and take away her possessions from me. I knew he would keep it from me if I asked for it so I took it.
I took something that was never meant to be mine and by trying to fit into it I destroy it. I do not know if I want it to fit or not because it was never meant for me. This dress is a metaphor for my relationship with my grandmother. I wanted for a long time for her to see me and to be what she wanted me to be but I failed at fitting into her ideals and image. Even after we moved across the country I still tried to make her see me. I wrote letters to her every week. It was not after her death that I was released from her expectations and my need to fit.
I no longer want to fit into the dress or what it means to fit into it. I also was no longer afraid to claim the relic of my grandmothers past. I put on and remove the dress until it rips to the center seam and is no longer wearable. The video is shot with my body being off center and cut off the frame and at an upward angle.
When the video is shown I project the video onto a dress form set to approximately my measurements with the dress on it. This puts the action back onto the object and animates the object. My face and arms fall outside the frame of the dress form and silhouette is created, an image of the form that is forever still.